Thoughts from the day...

Alright.. So.. I'm taking this class for a pre-req to petition for my program.. and I think its useless... it's all about study skills and time management.... and I think we're adults.. and can figure it out.. but whatever. It's required.. so I'm taking it.
Anyways.. in this class.. you are supposed to make goals.. and a calender of your life so you know waht you have time for, and etc... and tonight we made goals... (well, we made them at home and then our professor discussed them in class)... and maybe it's just my professor.. but she really makes you feel like you are going into nursing for the wrong reason, even if you don't think its a wrong reason.

When she had us introduce ourselves last week.. she didn't let us say why we chose nursing.. she told us we had to tell something else about ourselves.. but now.. she seems to think that we are all in nursing because of the money. I live in America.. our economy is always fluxuating.. so who knows what the money will be like by the time I get out... but there is another reason why I am going into nursing. I want to care for people. I like caring for people, and trying to take their pain away.. even if it is only for a few hours.. I want to be able to try and make them comfortable and get them what they need.. but she even shot this reason down today too!! and then.. she was like.. "forgive my cynicism.." i seriously don't get it. If it's not about the money.. or taking care of people... what is it about?.. she said we had to go into it for the right reasons, and what we felt in our heart... well.. thats what I feel. I feel that I have a gift of caring for people... (whether I do or not.. I'm not 100% sure. Some people have told me this.. soo.. I will tkae thier word for it..). So am I feeling the wrong reason?..

This class just makes me doubt everything about this career. Don't get me wrong.. I love medicine. I love how the body works, and how God created it to work... and I like learning about it.. and my ultimate goal is to one day become a NICU nurse and bring hope to the babies who are fighting for thier lives, and their families. OR!! To use the skills that I learn in school and in my job to take onto the mission field and help heal people who aren't as fortunate to go to hospitals or hospitals in poor countries who need help...

am i just reaching the wrong goals?.. should I just go to a different country and help them in some other way?.. or what?.. I really don't know.

If I didn't become a nurse.. I'm pretty sure I would become a nanny until I met my prince charming, and we got married, nad lived happily ever after with our own family. I love kids.. and I love working with them, holding them, loving them.. etc.. soo... it seems to be the only other thing that fits me...

And it's also really bad when your feeling out homework for class.. and it says.. "what are you strengths/talents" and you don't know of anything to put down.... but then when it gets to your weaknesses.. you can think of at least 4 or 5 things.. :( I need to find out waht my talents are.. and build my self esteem. this is pretty pathetic.

So that's pretty much my mind for the day. Work was good. I love my job, and the kids/babies I get to take care of. They are so cute, and have definately worked their way into a spot in my heart forever. :)