Dying to self, To live for Christ

So today, while I was sitting in church..... and we had a guest speaker. It was our missions conference weekend this weekend.. so we had a missionary talking. and well, as he is speaking.. I am realizing to myself that I am a very selfish person when it comes to dying to self and living for Christ.

Let me explain the story and what he talked about..

His name was Jim, and he is a missionary to Turkey. I don't know if any of you know a lot about turkey... because I don't. I just know that it is a 90% muslim country, and that less than 1% are of the Christian faith. So he has the possibility to be under persecution, and has had friends who are under persecution. Well, anyways.. apparently 3 years ago, there was an attack on a christian publishing office where he had friends that he worked with working at.... and they had invited some men in to come talk to them.. because these men had supposedly shared an interest in knowing more about the christian faith, so the guys were doing the right thing, and invited them to stop by. The men though, actually had other incentives... their real plan was to come talk to the guys and try and convince them to denounce their christian faith, and say that Allah was the one true god and the only god they would ever follow. Well, then when their plan backfired, and the christian turkish people didn't denounce God, the men tied them up and continued to tell them they needed to leave their christian faith or they were going to die. The men remained strong, and everytime they said they loved Christ and would never denounce his name, the muslim guys tortured them with knives... it got to the point where they had been stabbed over 15 times(there were 3 guys.. and each one was stabbed over 15 times). Two died on the scene when rescue workers came, and one died at the hospital a couple hours later. 2 of them were married and had families... and the muslim men who did this.. had no remorse. They said what they did, they did for their religion..

Soo.. here is my thought... "Wow, I really wish I had that courage".. because here is my thinking... I love my life.. I love everything in my life. Even though it is hard somedays to feel that way, I seriously wouldn't trade it for anything. I honestly feel that if someone were to ask me to choose between denouncing my faith or dying for Christ... I don't know what I would do. I know some people say its not even right to think about it that way.. becuase you never know what you'd do in that situation til you're in that situation.. but still. If I can't say it when I'm not in that situation, whose to say I will say it when I am in that sort of situation. These men had wives and families. I am sure they wanted to love their wives forever, and see their kids grow up, and live a full life.. but I know they weren't thinking about that. They were doing exactly what Christ calls us to do in order to be christians. The book of Luke chapter 9 says:

Luke 9:23-28:

23And He was saying to them all, "If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow Me. 24"For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake, he is the one who will save it. 25"For what is a man profited if he gains the whole world, and loses or forfeits himself? 26"For whoever is ashamed of Me and My words, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when He comes in His glory, and the glory of the Father and of the holy angels.

In order to follow Christ, I need to be denying myself and taking up his cross and following him daily. I try to do my devotions everyday, but I can't help but think there is more he is saying here. Verse 25 talks about what has a main gained if he gains the world, and loses himself in order to do it... well, if I am not willing to stand up for Christ in a life/death situation, then that means I have gained the world and lost myself. Phillipians 1:21 says that to live is Christ, and to die is gain. That means that I should not be afraid to say that I love Jesus and welcome persecution, because dying is gain. Somehow though, this is easier said than done.

Galatians 2:20 says that "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."
This verse makes me feel even worse about my selfishness. Christ GAVE himself for me. He didn't have to, and there is no way that I was worthy of it... but he did it anyways. And what am I offering to him?.. 
Yeah, I read my Bible everyday, yes I pray, yes I try to love others as Jesus loves, and yes, I like sharing my faith.. but how can I be a christian if I don't take up my cross and follow him, and have no doubts and be ready to say I believe in him and love him always in a time of life/death?.

The missionary said today in America our faith is free. We do not have to worry about persecution everyday... we tend to get too comfortable and forget about living and dying for Christ. After today, I think he is right. How many times have I let someone walk by me without sharing the gospel?.. or How many times have I sat in class and had a conversation with someone without mentioning Christ to them?. I also know that when the oppertunity arises, I tend to find excuses as to why not. Did Christ make an excuse when it was time for him to die?.. No, he took it upon himself, and died for us... He died for me.... and what do I give him in return?. I tend to just say.. "ok, I am giving you 30 mins of my day during devotions and prayer.., now I will go on with the rest of my day not even keeping you as the main focus."

Jesus talks in the Bible about our lives being one of the things we may have to give up in life.. and I know he is right. So I pray one day, that I will come to understand this and come to the point where I can say... To live is Christ and to die is gain. There is a joy in living for Christ, and I know that I have found some of this joy from ministering to people... and I just hope that when my life is done.. I can hear him say... "well done, good and faithful servant." That I follow his will in everything I do, and live a life worthy to him.

So Pray for me, as I seek his face and leave my selfishness behind. And if you feel the like you relate to anything I have said.. then join me in this journey of dying to self, to live for Christ.